Combing my mind

So many people want to change themselves by seeking knowledge on many things. IT seem like the more we know the more rounded we become. But what is this ‘knowing’ and where is it centered? I grew up hearing people say ‘know you-self youth-man’. Only when I started to intentionally pursue art as an occupation that I was able to understand the meaning of self knowledge.

This self knowledge comes from combing my mind, getting rid of the barbs and dust that have become entangled in it from experiences high and low.

This mind that I was born with, has its limits of flexibility and which I aim to know in order to make it something meaningful to life itself. It was chance occurrence that created this mind I have and  intellect, something learned, is what will help to mold and shape it in order to evolve. But if I cannot identify the essence of my own mind then I can’t experience it with intelligence, can’t name it.

I want to make sense of what I do by doing it over and over until my thoughts are blank. I play the same rhythm again and again until they become one note.

virtual decision can become real

virtual decision can become real

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Red drawing on green field

Red drawing on green field

 

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Improvised Dubb

I have to do enough of the same thing to transcend it. The repetition becomes mindless but my mind starts to question the reasons why I do what is being done. Am I flat, dynamic, mimicking others or original? So I look at other artists who I think are great.

In this instant it is Stuart Davis. His compositions are open and at times packed with things. He is very urban. I live in a rural area there are mostly trees and fields

. In the winter nothing but branches in summer, leaves dominate. But I cannot eliminate the urban from my mind, so I compose without a determination. Stuart Davis was influenced by Jazz and Cubism. I am interested in compositions by line and improvised Dubb.

A computer program does make random selections and improvise with all the possible combination but it has a limit. This makes me wonder if each individual mind have limits too. If you look at it, we are all born at a particular time and place. No two are exact, even twins. Could this be when character is hardwired into a brain and that, a persons life is predetermined but with many variables at the first breath. Chances, and level of confidence, and very early life experiences, and how we each do things, the way we do it etc, on and on is set from beginning.

berry governed It is my responsibility to know what I do when I am doing it and have the faculty to make a decision.

Reduce

I find it important to reduce the amount of language I need to communicate with the spirit of self. Any language will do, as a matter of fact, there are no necessary language. I know the history of my mind, all the lies, the thefts, the hurts given and received. They are there under cover. I know the bundles every time I try to think about the future of my life. Only thing I can do right now is to accept and lay them down like dirty clothes that can never be washed clean. Because they are stained. Yet if I were to speak my mind, really speak it, not wanting to dirty the clothes I wear now, feelings could be hurt.

So all I can do is dance with color and lines on a piece of ground. Because to dance is to live and bury the hurt, free my mind so that history can continue on its merry way. Some good hearted friends will try to help. They say ‘leave and let go’. But I know to leave your life behind is to sever you history. So I stay and iron the pain out with a dance.

With a Reference

The way a plant grows, the way a thing develops, the way an idea is presented comes out as reaction. To what though? should I ask, about creating from the mind without a reference from the world outside my eye. What should I react to, what impulse is the most urgent?

I can start at a point and continue for a distance and create a line. It may not be straight or maintain a specific width but it goes on until I stop and start another. The whole thing develops from here through decided reactions or spontaneous unaware choices. My task is to know what I am doing while I am doing it. Maybe I will never know why but most people, it seems, do know why, they have reasons, good reasons and they are sure it is the way.

Do they know what they are reacting to? Religious prophets know because they have read ‘the’ book. There are thoughts we should eliminate from our minds. What are we reacting to? Reference the unpredictable.baloon 3 baloon 4 baloon 5 baloon baloon 2 council crayfish

How Real am I?

To be honest, I am at a loss. I am lost on the internet. I don’t really know where I am when I visit a site. I don’t know where we are as the world is plowing through space. How close am I to the day I will die? It has to happen one day for sure, but what kind of space will I leave behind and how long will it be before that space is filled again by another. It is all sudden and spontaneous. Well, it only seems that way. I gradually wake every morning. But the realization?, that is a slap, a drop, tic, in the bucket of time.

Yet nothing goes without notice to the world at large. Me and you, we know what we know and the planet knows that too, subconsciously. It all adds up, one plus one plus one…. and a cup of water is emptied into the ocean and is lost immediately.

I try to simplify but it comes out corny, already done the longer I look. Yet I can recallbreddas far back to the street I grew up on to an incident clear to me today as look-upthen, that was an actual dream that I woke up to sweating, knowing it was not real.

The Act

“Take Franz Kline. There is no “plastic experience.” – There is no “painting” in the ordinary sense, just as there is no “painting”, for that matter, in Piero della Franchesca or Rembrandt. There is nothing but the integrity of the creative act. Any detail of the work is sufficient to establish this. The fact that these details accumulate and make what is known as a work of art, proves nothing. What else should an artist do with – time?”  Morton Feldman

It is how I feel about people who tout superiority of intelligence. It proves nothing. Craft proves nothing. Intelligence is a by product of what we are. The consciousness that we know could be a by product of this planet and the one before. For me to depend on knowledge to create is like I am getting away from knowing what creation is. There is this awareness that I see the simplest of life forms have. They move to survive. I survive and keep things moving. What does this prove?

Can I be aware of the subconscious at work? Can I deliberately put the subconscious to use?  Can I give it directions? But I am finding the tool designed to master intelligence  is becoming my tool into  intentional chance selections, unpredictable outcomes and identical productions all at once.

These are some of my sketches. ??????? ??????

Spontaneous sketches

Improvised notations are immediate with ‘paint’. Sometimes I have not enough patience with myself. I try to keep abreast with the passing of time whenever I am jotting down ideas. Working from scratch with paint, charcoal or pencil is slow and it sort of disrupts my flow of thoughts. The computer, though it is limited with color and quality of line it enables me to work fast. This clears the way for me to do a formal execution of the sketches on canvas. I have not done any of these as actual paintings yet but as soon as the temperature gets above freezing I will be able to get into the studio to work. The colors and hues may change then but it is a part of the process of spontaneity that is important to me. It is subjective, subconscious selection at work.pingg momants snapp whisp synapp pictures