So many people want to change themselves by seeking knowledge on many things. IT seem like the more we know the more rounded we become. But what is this ‘knowing’ and where is it centered? I grew up hearing people say ‘know you-self youth-man’. Only when I started to intentionally pursue art as an occupation that I was able to understand the meaning of self knowledge.
This self knowledge comes from combing my mind, getting rid of the barbs and dust that have become entangled in it from experiences high and low.
This mind that I was born with, has its limits of flexibility and which I aim to know in order to make it something meaningful to life itself. It was chance occurrence that created this mind I have and intellect, something learned, is what will help to mold and shape it in order to evolve. But if I cannot identify the essence of my own mind then I can’t experience it with intelligence, can’t name it.
I want to make sense of what I do by doing it over and over until my thoughts are blank. I play the same rhythm again and again until they become one note.
virtual decision can become real
Red drawing on green field
I have to do enough of the same thing to transcend it. The repetition becomes mindless but my mind starts to question the reasons why I do what is being done. Am I flat, dynamic, mimicking others or original? So I look at other artists who I think are great.
In this instant it is Stuart Davis. His compositions are open and at times packed with things. He is very urban. I live in a rural area there are mostly trees and fields
. In the winter nothing but branches in summer, leaves dominate. But I cannot eliminate the urban from my mind, so I compose without a determination. Stuart Davis was influenced by Jazz and Cubism. I am interested in compositions by line and improvised Dubb.
A computer program does make random selections and improvise with all the possible combination but it has a limit. This makes me wonder if each individual mind have limits too. If you look at it, we are all born at a particular time and place. No two are exact, even twins. Could this be when character is hardwired into a brain and that, a persons life is predetermined but with many variables at the first breath. Chances, and level of confidence, and very early life experiences, and how we each do things, the way we do it etc, on and on is set from beginning.
It is my responsibility to know what I do when I am doing it and have the faculty to make a decision.
I find it important to reduce the amount of language I need to communicate with the spirit of self. Any language will do, as a matter of fact, there are no necessary language. I know the history of my mind, all the lies, the thefts, the hurts given and received. They are there under cover. I know the bundles every time I try to think about the future of my life. Only thing I can do right now is to accept and lay them down like dirty clothes that can never be washed clean. Because they are stained. Yet if I were to speak my mind, really speak it, not wanting to dirty the clothes I wear now, feelings could be hurt.
So all I can do is dance with color and lines on a piece of ground. Because to dance is to live and bury the hurt, free my mind so that history can continue on its merry way. Some good hearted friends will try to help. They say ‘leave and let go’. But I know to leave your life behind is to sever you history. So I stay and iron the pain out with a dance.
To be honest, I am at a loss. I am lost on the internet. I don’t really know where I am when I visit a site. I don’t know where we are as the world is plowing through space. How close am I to the day I will die? It has to happen one day for sure, but what kind of space will I leave behind and how long will it be before that space is filled again by another. It is all sudden and spontaneous. Well, it only seems that way. I gradually wake every morning. But the realization?, that is a slap, a drop, tic, in the bucket of time.
Yet nothing goes without notice to the world at large. Me and you, we know what we know and the planet knows that too, subconsciously. It all adds up, one plus one plus one…. and a cup of water is emptied into the ocean and is lost immediately.
I try to simplify but it comes out corny, already done the longer I look. Yet I can recall far back to the street I grew up on to an incident clear to me today as then, that was an actual dream that I woke up to sweating, knowing it was not real.
“Take Franz Kline. There is no “plastic experience.” – There is no “painting” in the ordinary sense, just as there is no “painting”, for that matter, in Piero della Franchesca or Rembrandt. There is nothing but the integrity of the creative act. Any detail of the work is sufficient to establish this. The fact that these details accumulate and make what is known as a work of art, proves nothing. What else should an artist do with – time?” Morton Feldman
It is how I feel about people who tout superiority of intelligence. It proves nothing. Craft proves nothing. Intelligence is a by product of what we are. The consciousness that we know could be a by product of this planet and the one before. For me to depend on knowledge to create is like I am getting away from knowing what creation is. There is this awareness that I see the simplest of life forms have. They move to survive. I survive and keep things moving. What does this prove?
Can I be aware of the subconscious at work? Can I deliberately put the subconscious to use? Can I give it directions? But I am finding the tool designed to master intelligence is becoming my tool into intentional chance selections, unpredictable outcomes and identical productions all at once.
These are some of my sketches.